Exceptional rule?

Here’s where I test my Theory #1 and begin to see whether I made correct choices at the beginning of this journey. …Because, you know, it was so long ago I can properly assess the situation.


It’s probably easier if I start with explaining where my relationship currently stands.

So there’s this guy (for argument’s sake, let’s call him Ben) I’ve been sort of seeing for two months now. “Sort of seeing” is the only definition that currently fits since it’s not 100% clear, and because we live in different states. We have not had the conversation that specifically explores the what-is-this/what-are-we/what-does-that-mean side of the what-we-have-together. In other words, he has not asked me to be, nor told me I am, nor stated that I might be in any way his girlfriend. Which also means, officially – we have no exclusivity pact nor claim to potential future hurt feelings as a result of any consequences of this lack of definition.

However! Don’t despair for me yet and tell me to run for the hills as fast as my little legs might carry me (not that fast, I can assure you) – because there have been some positive signs.

I hear you groan, but I’m a romantic, so judge away (and comment if you really feel the strong need to tell me what I should be doing or saying     – actually please comment, I could use all the help I can get here).

We have talked about future plans (both short and long term, with our plans matching up); I’ve met some of his family, and he’s met almost all of mine; things are wonderful when we’re together; we make plans to see each other next well ahead of time.

But he doesn’t communicate as much as I’d like. Or as much as I need to feel more secure. …I’m pretty insecure – maybe I’m just expecting too much of him…

It’s just still very new so I don’t know if HJNTI[me], or he’s trying to play it cool, or that’s just him.

So I’ve been playing things as cool as I can, but my anxiety is building each day, and it’s another 4 weeks until we see each other again. I’m hoping to clarify things better either before or by then, but raising the topic seems like something the guy should do… or is that too old fashioned?


But of course, I was watching “He’s Just Not That Into You” with my mum last night. (I worked today, so my 1st January 2014 wasn’t ever going to be that exciting – though feel free to judge me as you wish). HJNTIY – the movie that contrasts the frustrating hope of being “the exception” and the annoying reality of “the rule”, and in the end basically implies that you’re probably the rule, but you can hope for the exception (gee thanks). 

I identify best with Gigi from the movie (Ginnifer Goodwin’s character; the cute one who is a bit desperate and reads a bit too much into the ‘signs’), but I worry that even I might have read into this a bit too much.

Since Ben has seen HJNTIY, when my mum asked, in jest, if Ben is the exception or the rule – I mention it to him, but adding that since I’m not confused about anything really, it doesn’t count.

His reply?

Well, the part that mattered was that he figured “we’re not quite at the 9 year mark (or whatever Ben Affleck/Jennifer Aniston were up to)”.

Gigi-style mini-freak-out: the use of “we”.

And mini-freak-out 2: he went to the perfect couple, the long-term committed one, as his first thought about what represented us. ‘Nuff said in my opinion.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s so amazing I’ve got no reservations beyond the speed of it all if he was to propose on our next date – I just can’t see it happening yet.

And then he avoids the topic and I get no further into deciphering his mind. …Damn.

The whole point of the movie kicked in, and I worried – what if he’s just not that into me?


Theory #3: All’s complicated in love and war.

Theory #4: Best not to judge relationships by rules and exceptions and instead just go with the flow.   …which is much easier said than done.


So here’s me hoping one of us is the exception,

– Dr Gigi Orist.



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