Selective Honesty.

Honesty is the best policy.

Though I think most people follow the other theory:

Theory #10: Keep your mouth shut about shit they don’t need to hear, so you stay on their good side.

Y’all know I’m a bit on the crazy side. And because I’m fairly impatient – though I think you know this too because I’ve gone on about it just a little bit – I’ve been wanting to breach the divide and give Ben the everything on my honest list.

But my Theory #10 is holding me back: I’m terrified it’ll push him away, and quickly too.

On the other hand my Theory #9 makes a good argument: better that you get it over with, be yourself, and if they’re going to run for the hills, why delay the inevitable?

Though, can there be such a thing as revealing your crazy too early that makes them run when you could give them the chance to get to know you and so they might’ve stayed?

Ben did try to get me to consider that “all’s fair in love and war”, which is a saying I haven’t overly agreed with before – mainly because it’s an absolute statement and they bother me a little. But my thinking is, that if he’s broached the “all’s fair” topic already, I may have a shot with the “Here’s me being 100% honest and now you know my full extent of crazy” and hope it doesn’t make him flee.

Truth is, I don’t have the answer yet. Honestly.

– Dr O.

Advertisement

Top 10.

No theory on this one. Just still trying to live in the now and not stress too much about the future and where things are going.

That’s not really my style though…

So instead, I’ve typed the questions I want to ask Ben but am refusing to let myself ask him just yet since I’m just trying to focus (thanks NYR). Here are my Top 10 anxiety ridden questions of the first fortnight of 2014:

1. What are the plans for the Aussie Day weekend – can I lock in some sort of meal for you to meet my bestie and her fiancé?  (I wrote this as a draft yesterday and clearly I forgot that this was Q#1 since I essentially asked this today. Oops. Told you I was bad at this NYR thing.)
2. What are we? I’m sort of hoping this is more than just booty calls. Otherwise they’re fairly expensive booty calls… Also I feel like this could be something special. I’m trying not to read into it – I’ve seen “He’s Just Not That Into You”, remember?
3. Are you free on specific-weekend in April? Can you be free? I would love to take you as my date to a friend’s wedding.
4. Or is that a bit too much, too soon? See Q#2, I’d like to know where this is going and what it means, even if the definition is “I don’t quite know yet, just seeing where it takes us” – that’d help me not fantasise about potential things you might propose or props you might need in such a situation…
5. Do you really want to move in together? It’s also not too soon? We’re both probably likely to jump the gun on things, and I’m keen, just nervous; but don’t know if we’ve just been joking about it or if this is actually something we’ve both considered enough and still both want?
6. What would happen if I fell pregnant? How would you react? You missed out on the first pregnancy scare of 2014 because I didn’t have the answer to this question yet. (For the record, I was feeling a bit weird at work and one comment from me about feeling dumb lead to coworkers implying I had a bun in the oven. Fast forward a few weeks later (with the joke still ongoing about me being pregnant) and I’m five days late. Pregnancy test was negative bee-tee-dubs.)
7. What is your middle name? I feel like I should know this already.
8. Are you happy with the current plan of only seeing each other every month? Or would every 2-3 weeks be better for our sanity and we just ignore the impact on wallets?
9. How long do you think you can stand the long distance? I’m willing to give this a few more months but I might go insane. There’s just a lot of things to consider between now and then, and remember, I’m not supposed to think too much too far ahead.
10. Even though it’s not usually the done thing, I want to know about your past relationships and how they fell apart. (Technically not a question, I know, but I feel like it’d be rude to demand that in question form). Also so I can judge things a bit and see if: (a) there’s something wrong with you like I suspect because you’re a bit too perfect not to have been snapped up yet. Seriously. or (b) there’s a chance you might drop me quick-as-look-at-you if one of your exes was to offer themselves to you throw themselves at you.

I do actually intend to ask him these questions eventually, it’s just a little difficult while I don’t have the answer to Q#2.

Fretfully yours,

– Dr O.